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How to be sucessful in life and business

  • 80 million working days are lost each year as a result of stress, anxiety and depression.
  • A recent study based on 245,000 people concluded that:
    “Depression can do more physical damage to a person’s health than several long-term diseases” (The Guardian 7th September 2007).
  • Over 2 million people are currently on incapacity benefit.
  • It is also estimated that only 1 in 4 people who are experiencing mental health problems seek help.

Success, in business and in life, is based on a combination of many factors including, planning, organisation, financial management, and managing human resources. Here the focus will be on human resources and more especially the psychological aspect of success in business. Effective self-management is extremely important anyone for anyone who wishes to be successful in business and so is the management of others. Bringing out the best in people requires an integrated, high quality, ethical and sustainable approach in order to overcome the barriers to success in business and other areas of life.

Many factors influence the effectiveness of individuals and groups and in order to overcome these barriers people need to know how to develop the necessary skills. Everyday and every week people fail to perform to the best of their abilities. So, one might reasonably ask several questions:

  • What’s stops people performing to the best of their ability?
  • Why don’t people seek help or advice?
  • What approach will help most?
  • Who will help most?

What’s stops people performing to the best of their ability? There are numerous theories as to why people don’t perform to the best of their abilities. In my experience as a coach there are, essentially, five main reasons why people experience problems and these are:

Habits – we are creatures of habit and we tend to do things in the same way day in day out. Habits are of great value if they help a person perform more effectively but problems occur when our habitual responses no longer serves a purpose and this can ultimately lead to a dip in performance and distress for the individual.

The use or mis-use of our ‘innate’ resources. We have many ‘resources’ and these include our imagination and a complex brain that allows us to think things through. However our imagination works against us if we frequently imagine the worst-case scenario and how we think can have a tremendous impact on how we approach and deal with the many challenges we meet throughout life.

Whether or not certain ‘needs’ are being met. Needs are split into two types: Primary Needs which include the need for include the need for food, clothing, a roof over your head and the need for stimulation and Secondary Needs, which are determined by social and cultural influences, and include security, fun, purpose, control, intimacy, connection and a sense of belonging. If one, or more of these needs goes unmet for a long period of time then this will inevitably affect a person’s performance.

The ‘emotional state’ of a person. When someone is in a highly emotional state they usually respond in one of three ways. Fight, Flight or Freeze. It is difficult, if not impossible, for a person in a highly emotional state to think logically and so handle a situation in a rational way and if they don’t learn to manage their emotional state they will lose control and experience ‘distress’ in their lives and their health and performance level will drop.

Skills and Capabilities. In order to be succeed in any career a person needs to reach a high level of skill and be capable of performing at the highest level. Failure to develop the appropriate skills will lead to failure. People also need to be to manage emotions, manage relationships, communicate effectively and be properly trained to do the work they have chosen to do. If a person lacks the relevant skills or abilities to meet the demands of their chosen career or life’s challenges then it is highly likely they will experience emotional or mental health problems and once again their performance will suffer.

On top of these factors we live in a fast-moving, ever changing society and culture in which people are facing increasing demands and temptations and for many this becomes too much to cope with and their performance inevitably suffers.

Why don’t people seek help? There are several reason people don’t seek help and these are:

  • It is not easy to receive help
  • It is difficult to commit one’s self to change
  • It is difficult to submit to the influence of a coach or helper: help is a threat to esteem, integrity, and independence.
  • It is not easy to trust a stranger and be open with him.
  • It is not easy to see one’s problems clearly at first.
  • It’s difficult to admit to having a problem
  • Sometimes problems seem too large, too overwhelming, or too unique to share easily.
  • Cost – people may be unable or unwilling to pay for coaching

All of these are reasons for not seeking help but the long-term consequences of not seeking help are poor performance which can lead to anxiety, distress, depression and many physical problems that are related to stress. Many of these problems are, in many cases, avoidable if a person seeks ‘skilled help’ or takes steps towards prevention sooner, rather than later.

What approach will help most? There are hundreds of theories about motivation and the best way to help people. All of these approaches have a common core and that is ‘problem management and opportunity development’. In short there are two ends on the ‘coaching/training’ scale and these are ‘non-directive’ and ‘directive’. In the non-directive approach the ‘coach’ will mainly listen whilst the ‘coachee’ talks and the idea is that the ‘coachee’ will eventually gain ‘insight’ into their problems and resolve them. On the other end is the ‘directive coach/trainer’. The ‘directive coach/trainer’ is very goal focused and will give you lots of advice and suggestions and may not listen to what the person has to say. When considering the best coaching/training approach to use it is a good idea to have some awareness of the kind of approaches mentioned above and what the person will respond to best.

Who will help most? Research has consistently shown that one of the most important factors in the effectiveness of any form of ‘coaching’ or counseling is the relationship between the ‘coach’ and the ‘coachee.’ So, if you are seeking help for yourself or others it is very important that you as the ‘coachee’ feel comfortable with the person helping you. The next thing you need to look at is the approach used by the ‘coach’. I would offer the view that the ‘skilled coach’ will adopt an ‘eclectic’ approach and design their approach around what will suit the individual best. Essentially they will look at the five areas mentioned above and address ‘habits’, the use or mis-use of ‘innate resources’, assess whether ‘needs’ are being met and also provide the person with the skills needed to help manage the ‘emotional condition’ more effectively and look at identifying and developing any skills that may be required. People may need help with one or more of these and, in my opinion, the ‘skilled coach’, mentor, trainer or counsellor will be able to help with all of these areas.

Can I help myself? There are, in my view, many things people can do to help themselves and over the next few weeks I will share some of techniques that can be used.

If you are a person who chooses to seek help then ‘when you need somebody…. don’t just choose anybody!’